Chapter 5: My Letter From Elizabeth

Dear Helen,

I hope this letter finds you well and in need of some good laughs, because you are going to be roaring with laughter by the time you’re done. I just had to write and tell you of some of my recent experiences as a single sister in the church. I feel like they need to be written somewhere and not just told, because, honestly, if we couldn’t laugh, we’d probably cry! I could think of no better person to send this to, than you, knowing you’ll get just as tickled and upset as I was.

It’s been wedding season here lately. Okay, maybe not exactly wedding season, but let me just say that the topic of marriage, weddings, and singlehood has come up so many times lately that I’m starting to feel like maybe I should wear a banner over my head that reads, “Still single, but surprisingly functional.”

Let me give you the highlights, or wait, I think these would be considered lowlights—I’ll let you decide which, but all the same, they were spotlights, that much I know. It all began with Sister Chelsea’s wedding announcement a few Sundays ago. Sister Chelsea is considered older, but still, she’s only in her early thirties. That actually seems like a nice age to get married, but I guess to some people the fact that someone would get married in their thirties is totally unimaginable.

This is how it all unfolded. The service was dismissed, and then the preacher said he had a special wedding announcement to make. We sat down and waited for the names. Of course, the excitement was palpable, as it should be. Everything felt normal at first and when the names were finally announced, a cheer of excitement erupted—almost as if everyone had been holding their breath for this moment and could now finally exhale!

There were a few moments of congratulatory cheers, but then, listen to this, the brother who made the wedding announcement felt inspired to keep talking. I don’t know where that inspiration came from, but I know it wasn’t Jesus talking to him right then! You know what he said?? He said it would be good if everybody that is of marriageable age would get married—out just like that.

“I feel like they might do better then,” he continued. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he added, “Marrying is not a sin.”

“Well! thank goodness for that clarification,” I thought. I sat there, perfectly stunned. What else was I supposed to do? Shout “Hallelujah?” Thank him for this groundbreaking theological insight? Laugh? Cry? Walk Out?

What I really felt like doing was stand up and ask, “Do we really believe that Jesus came to earth, suffered, and died just so we could all be paired off?” It wasn’t the time to say this but the absurdity of it all hit me. It’s almost as if Jesus’ mission was less about redemption and more about making sure no one dies single. The way some people talk, you would think that Calvary was just a prelude to a wedding reception.

I wish it had stopped right there but guess what, after the service I got so many, “See, there’s still hope!” or, “Be encouraged, it can still happen for you, too!” Um, was there a sign-up sheet somewhere that I hadn’t noticed before, or can I buy me a man to marry somewhere, or pray tell, exactly what was everyone expecting me to do with all this?

But listen here. This isn’t all. In another service a brother stood up to testify. I can’t remember how he got to the topic of marriage or what inspired him to say what he said, but at one point he said, “I just don’t want more people without a future,” referring to anyone that might not get married.

“Well,” I thought, “it’s confirmed. Everyone single has no future. I don’t know what we have, but it’s not a future!” I should have walked out right there but, of course, I was too nice to do such a thing. He’s a preacher after all, maybe this was a word sent to him by the Lord, maybe I was missing the burden here! Haha!

You would think this was enough drama for a while, but listen, I haven’t even told you the real story yet. Sit tight when you read this one because it’s a whopper...

 

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